Today was my mom's birthday. She turned 44. But if you asked her, she would say that she turned 29. I love her so much! She is my inspiration in life. She is my best friend and always will be.
Happy Birthday Mom! You will forever be in my heart!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Season of Change
I decided to share my poem that I entered into a creative writing contest. :)
Season of Change
A colorful life
Hanging by a strand
Weakened in time
Till Time says, “Fall”
Down to the ground
Where her sisters lay
Desiring a chance
Hanging by a strand
Weakened in time
Till Time says, “Fall”
Down to the ground
Where her sisters lay
Desiring a chance
A hope for belonging
Steering through trees
Steering through trees
And branches divine
Rustling bushes and
Chimes ringing true
A quiet whisper
Confidence intact
Captures the heart of
All those who listen
For the breath is He
The Master of all
Whose mercy and grace
Doth withstand the cold
And as frailty lies
In heaps on chilling earth
He shines forth
With treasures of warmth
Rustling bushes and
Chimes ringing true
A quiet whisper
Confidence intact
Captures the heart of
All those who listen
For the breath is He
The Master of all
Whose mercy and grace
Doth withstand the cold
And as frailty lies
In heaps on chilling earth
He shines forth
With treasures of warmth
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Downton Abbey
So I have recently become a huge fan and I mean HUGE fan of this show right here....
Everything about this show is fantastic! The characters, the time period (World War I), the set up in this beautiful mansion (as you can clearly see:). There is nothing about this show that I do not like....
This Masterpiece Classic follows the story lines of a wealthy family as well as those who serve this family. You come to know each character so well and either like (or love- that's me with Matthew Crawley and Mary Crawley) or completely despise them...
If you want a show that will entertain you from the moment each episode starts to the time it ends, leaving you begging for more, this is the show for you! :)
Everything about this show is fantastic! The characters, the time period (World War I), the set up in this beautiful mansion (as you can clearly see:). There is nothing about this show that I do not like....
This Masterpiece Classic follows the story lines of a wealthy family as well as those who serve this family. You come to know each character so well and either like (or love- that's me with Matthew Crawley and Mary Crawley) or completely despise them...
If you want a show that will entertain you from the moment each episode starts to the time it ends, leaving you begging for more, this is the show for you! :)
Monday, March 5, 2012
March 5, 2012
So I thought it would be hectic today and.....I was right. Maybe the only reason it seems hectic is because I am a hundred pages behind in Crime and Punishment so I have a lot to do. (It's not exactly the easiest reading in the world.) So I will be reading 40 pages a night this week and we are going to see how that goes.....
But on another note, I have been accepted to Oklahoma State University, University of Missouri, Oregon State University, and Purdue University! Four colleges to make my decision even harder! (Except Oregon. I don't think I will go there. Sorry Beavers!) Still waiting on Cornell University, Colorado State University, and UCDavis! They need to hurry up!
I am also taking my life into my control as I come back to the church fully. Seminary is not enough anymore even though Brother Robley is pretty amazing! Scripture study (chocolate milk style:), morning and evening prayers, church attendance, and temple attendance is what it's going to take, plus, some other things. I know I can do it. All I have to do is trust! :)
But on another note, I have been accepted to Oklahoma State University, University of Missouri, Oregon State University, and Purdue University! Four colleges to make my decision even harder! (Except Oregon. I don't think I will go there. Sorry Beavers!) Still waiting on Cornell University, Colorado State University, and UCDavis! They need to hurry up!
I am also taking my life into my control as I come back to the church fully. Seminary is not enough anymore even though Brother Robley is pretty amazing! Scripture study (chocolate milk style:), morning and evening prayers, church attendance, and temple attendance is what it's going to take, plus, some other things. I know I can do it. All I have to do is trust! :)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Goodbye Elder Lyons
So I was thinking about stuff today and I also realized that I am going to miss this kid
Elder Mark Lyons is one of the greatest guys I have ever known. Yeah. We never really talk to each other, but I do care for him and I will miss him as he goes on his mission. He leaves this Thursday (March 8) for the South African MTC and then in a few weeks, he will be heading to the English-speaking mission (lucky:) of Nairobi, Kenya.
Mark was my trek brother the summer before ninth grade. He taught me a lot like perseverance, determination, will power, and just having fun. Much of what he taught me then still helps me now and I know that if only a few days of talking with him helped me, then there will be many people who will understand more of the gospel because of his inspiring and powerful words.
So good luck to you Mark! There are so many waiting for you to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. Do not forget to "Push it Charlotte!" and "Punch it Margaret!" :)
Outcast
Outcast. Alone. Terrified. Stressed. Desire of friends that actually care. Do I really belong?
Lots of things have been running through my mind the past few months...I know that I haven't been going to church. I know that it may seem that I'm falling away from what I always promised I would do through my baptismal covenants. I don't know why I am doing all this to myself. It breaks my heart every Sunday as I think of what everyone else is thinking of me. Maybe I don't see them as my real friends anymore. Yeah. They're great people. But I always feel like they are judging me when I don't show up for church one Sunday. I feel like they're talking about me in discriminating tones. So I avoid it. I don't go to church. It's not that I don't believe this church is true. I believe it with all my heart. But in my head I see faces of those I care dearly for mocking me and all I want to do is run away.
When I was a child, church was the only thing I looked forward to every Sunday. To me, that was my whole world. I loved going. To hear of the noble prophet Nephi and how Esther saved her people was always a dream to me. I loved to sing "A Child's Prayer" and "Love is Spoken Here". I remember that whenever we had a day where our chorister would pick a song each of us had written out of a bowl, those two songs were always the most popular. Them and "I Love to See the Temple". :) So what happened to the child who always wanted to go to church unafraid of those around her even though she had moved so much?
Growing up happened. Because of social norms, my friends in my ward also grew up and began wearing make up at such a young age. Sure. I tried my best to keep up. But eventually money came into play and that's something my mom and I don't have a lot of. The more make up my friends wore, the more superficial they appeared to me. At such a young age, make up became their life. Then clothes came into play. My body was awkward at the time and once again money came into play. While all the other girls were wearing the new designer brands, I was stuck with shirts my mom brought home from her work at BYU. The division seemed to increase when I ended up going to different schools than the majority of my friends in my ward. Sure. During jr high I had a few people from my ward go to the same school. But then high school came around and it seemed I was a complete outcast. Every time I see my friends they were talking about a class or a teacher that did something stupid.
You probably can't see why these things would come into play with my involvement in the church but I can. It all makes sense to me and sometimes I don't know why it can't make sense to other people. Or maybe it's something entirely different. Maybe it's because I know I'm leaving Utah to go to college and to isolate myself from my friends seems like the easiest way to say goodbye for me. Maybe my mind is trying to prevent my heart from getting hurt. Putting up a guard. A shield. But then why doesn't it do it for school? Those are the people I care most about. They are my true friends. Even the ones who don't talk to me, or listen to me, or even acknowledge my existence. I still care for them and they are going to be the ones who are going to make my heart ache because I don't want to say goodbye. But I have to go to college. I feel like I don't have a choice anymore.
But there is one thing that I do know. I know Christ lives and that he will show me where I am to go. He wants to protect me from heartache. I know he does. I know Heavenly Father does. The last thing They want is to have one of their children hurting. But They also know that it has to be done so we can all grow from our experiences.
So I've decided on something. Screw social norms and the fear of the future. I am going back to church next Sunday with my head held high and I am going to prove to myself that I can place my life back in control of what I want and not what everyone else wants. If that means I am going without my mom and have to sit by myself then I will. I need to take control of my life for my sake and no one else's.
This has been my motto for quite some time now.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
All I have to do is trust in the Lord. It's that simple. :)
Lots of things have been running through my mind the past few months...I know that I haven't been going to church. I know that it may seem that I'm falling away from what I always promised I would do through my baptismal covenants. I don't know why I am doing all this to myself. It breaks my heart every Sunday as I think of what everyone else is thinking of me. Maybe I don't see them as my real friends anymore. Yeah. They're great people. But I always feel like they are judging me when I don't show up for church one Sunday. I feel like they're talking about me in discriminating tones. So I avoid it. I don't go to church. It's not that I don't believe this church is true. I believe it with all my heart. But in my head I see faces of those I care dearly for mocking me and all I want to do is run away.
When I was a child, church was the only thing I looked forward to every Sunday. To me, that was my whole world. I loved going. To hear of the noble prophet Nephi and how Esther saved her people was always a dream to me. I loved to sing "A Child's Prayer" and "Love is Spoken Here". I remember that whenever we had a day where our chorister would pick a song each of us had written out of a bowl, those two songs were always the most popular. Them and "I Love to See the Temple". :) So what happened to the child who always wanted to go to church unafraid of those around her even though she had moved so much?
Growing up happened. Because of social norms, my friends in my ward also grew up and began wearing make up at such a young age. Sure. I tried my best to keep up. But eventually money came into play and that's something my mom and I don't have a lot of. The more make up my friends wore, the more superficial they appeared to me. At such a young age, make up became their life. Then clothes came into play. My body was awkward at the time and once again money came into play. While all the other girls were wearing the new designer brands, I was stuck with shirts my mom brought home from her work at BYU. The division seemed to increase when I ended up going to different schools than the majority of my friends in my ward. Sure. During jr high I had a few people from my ward go to the same school. But then high school came around and it seemed I was a complete outcast. Every time I see my friends they were talking about a class or a teacher that did something stupid.
You probably can't see why these things would come into play with my involvement in the church but I can. It all makes sense to me and sometimes I don't know why it can't make sense to other people. Or maybe it's something entirely different. Maybe it's because I know I'm leaving Utah to go to college and to isolate myself from my friends seems like the easiest way to say goodbye for me. Maybe my mind is trying to prevent my heart from getting hurt. Putting up a guard. A shield. But then why doesn't it do it for school? Those are the people I care most about. They are my true friends. Even the ones who don't talk to me, or listen to me, or even acknowledge my existence. I still care for them and they are going to be the ones who are going to make my heart ache because I don't want to say goodbye. But I have to go to college. I feel like I don't have a choice anymore.
But there is one thing that I do know. I know Christ lives and that he will show me where I am to go. He wants to protect me from heartache. I know he does. I know Heavenly Father does. The last thing They want is to have one of their children hurting. But They also know that it has to be done so we can all grow from our experiences.
So I've decided on something. Screw social norms and the fear of the future. I am going back to church next Sunday with my head held high and I am going to prove to myself that I can place my life back in control of what I want and not what everyone else wants. If that means I am going without my mom and have to sit by myself then I will. I need to take control of my life for my sake and no one else's.
This has been my motto for quite some time now.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
All I have to do is trust in the Lord. It's that simple. :)
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