Time to Change

It has been 3 1/2 years since this whole thing started. The worst trial I have ever had to face thus far. And I still can't overcome it. What is it? Pride. Fear. Lies. An overwhelming necessity for Perfection. I thought I could handle it all on my own. I felt I had complete willpower over everything and could stop whenever I felt like it. I was horribly mistaken...And that is why, today, I have announced to myself and all of you, "It is time to change." 

I have decided to take the 12 Steps, LDS edition. What are these steps?

Step 1: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Step 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Step 4: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.

Step 5: Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.

Step 6: Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.

Step 7: Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.

Step 8: Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them.

Step 9: Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed.

Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord's will and to have the power to carry it out. 

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, share this message with others and practice these principles in all you do.

So that is what I am planning on doing. But I can't do this alone. I need your help. Any advice you have for me I would greatly appreciate it! 

My thoughts and prayers go to Newtown, Connecticut...

It is dreadful this occurred right before Christmas, but this tragedy just united the country for the holiday season...

At least we have the assurance that these innocent children and adults are with Christ now. They will be able to spend Christmas with Him on His birthday...

Come Clean...

A dear friend of mine recently wrote of her struggles. Her entire blog is about her struggles and how she is trying to overcome them. She mentioned how an alcoholic, at an AA group meeting, will stand up and say, "I am so and so and I am an alcoholic...." The same needs to be done with us. It's time for me to come clean as well. So here it goes...

I am Kemsley Marie Corell and I am a procrastinator and a liar full of pride. I didn't plan on it. It just happened. It started out small until it spiraled out of control. Others see me as a pure, innocent young woman who has always done right in the world. They look up to me for advice. Well the truth is, how would I know what advice to give if I wasn't going through it myself. I am not as innocent as everyone else thinks. I am not who everyone wants me to be. To live up to the expectations of everyone around me would result in me developing a multi-personality disorder. I can't be everything all the time. I can't handle that. I am full of pride. I want to be the best I can be, but at the expense and degrading of others. I know it's wrong. Believe me, I know. The feelings are uncontrollable right now. I try to be humble, but it doesn't last very long. I am a liar. I don't want to be one. My mind's view of never creating negativity in someone else's life has taken a stronghold. Lies come out of my mouth about the most pathetic things you could think of. I lied about going places and getting certain things. My lies at first dug me into a hole. But now they are throwing dirt on top of me and I am suffocating. I can't live this way anymore and I am going to change. I want to serve a mission. I will serve a mission, but not in my current state.

But there is good news. Christ knows I am not perfect. He knows what I have been going through. He knows the pains of my heart when I tell one more lie or put off something for tomorrow that needs to be done today. He knows. All of it. And He wants me to come back to Him. I will change for the better. Through Christ, all things are possible. No one is too diverted from the path that can't make it back. His grace is there. His hand is there. Stretched out. Waiting for you to take hold. I realize now that His hand  has been there the whole time waiting for me. And as I have continued to be buried by lies and imperfections, His hand remained to be there for He knows that I can overcome this if I will let Him help me. So now, it is time to accept that hand. It is time to let go of everything I have been through and start fresh.

Remember, God does not send troubles and afflictions your way without the knowledge that you can overcome them.

My favorite scripture my senior year of high school: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

P.S. If you feel that you are being weighed down by your imperfections, come out and say it! We are not perfect I can't tell you how much of a relief I am feeling right now! :)

So much to do in so little time...

Homework: It always seems to work out in one of two ways.

1. You have little to no homework and can therefore spend all your time with your friends or catching    up on your favorite TV show or even spending time with your family (as crazy as that seems:). You  seem to have all the time in the universe in the palm of your hand. The thing is, do you ever do homework to get ahead in a class?

2. You have absolutely no time to do anything but homework. In fact, you feel so overwhelmed that you start thinking that you can't even get all your homework done! It's like all the teachers/professors conspired together to make every major assignment due on the same day and all of your major exams in the same week. You begin regretting those few days where you had pretty much no homework because you realize you would have less now if you had done some then.

Right now, I feel the latter result. There are so many things to do and yet I need time to myself as well. How can my professors expect me to function if I can't even figure that out myself. I need "Me Time"! But I am determined. I know that all this is for my experience so that I may know how to prioritize myself better.

So for all of you who need a little help like I do, here are some tips to how to prioritize:

How to Prioritize by Importance – And Stick to It

Is your to-do list overflowing with tasks? Do you end up rushing from one thing to the next, dealing with whatever’s most on your mind at the time – and shoving everything else aside for another day? This can be an effective way to work at times, such as when clearing the decks before vacation, but both your work and your health are likely to suffer if you’re constantly in “firefighting” mode.

So how can you start concentration on what really matters, instead of on what seems most pressing?

The Four Quadrants
There’s a useful technique in time-management that involves dividing your tasks into a grid with four “quadrants”, which are:

• Urgent and Important (eg. “My big report is due in three hours”)


• Important but Not Urgent (eg. “I’m delivering a presentation next month”)


• Urgent but Not Important (eg. “My library books are due back today”)


• Not Important and Not Urgent (eg. “I’m watching YouTube clips”)

What Goes Where? 
Generally, it’s not too hard to decide where a particular task or activity fits. The key is not to confuse a task’s urgency with its importance. For example, it might be annoying to be fined $2 for your library books being overdue, but it’s not really animportant consequence in the grand scheme of things. On the other hand, missing the deadline with your big report might have huge negative consequences on your career.

“Important but Not Urgent” – The Crucial Things We Put Off
The category that time management experts recommend you concentrate on is the “Important but Not Urgent” tasks. Usually, items in this quadrant will become urgent if you leave them too long. For example:

• That presentation due in three months will be looking pretty urgent in two months and twenty nine days...


• Taking care of your health (eg. with exercise and good diet) might become urgent ten years down the line, when you get sick


• Sorting out your taxes will become urgent once the deadline’s imminent

Have a think about your own life. I’m willing to bet that there’s been a time when you put off something “Important but Not Urgent” ... and ended up under a lot of stress because it did become urgent. This might have been anything from a term paper in college to an overdue trip to the dentist.

Why We React to “Urgent” 
Most of us have a tendency to react, in almost a knee-jerk way, to things that are urgent. This is a good survival technique (after all, if a saber-tooth tiger is about to eat you, you’d want to leave off inventing the wheel and run away...) Often, though, it leads to a very ineffective way of working: we deal with things in a panic, procrastinate over anything that isn’t urgent, and end up creating a lot of stress for ourselves whilst not really accomplishing much.

Focusing on “Important” 
So how can you draw your focus back to the stuff that matters? How can you make sure you’re working on what’s truly important before it becomes urgent?

I’d suggest a few simple things:

• Get rid of your “not urgent and not important” activities. (Note – that doesn’t mean get rid of things that relax and recharge you: they are important.)


• Make sure that “urgent and not important” activities never get in the way of “important and not urgent” ones.Frankly, it’s probably better for you to work on your dissertation for two hours, instead of spending that time racing across town with your soon-to-be-overdue library books.


• Remember that “important” is a matter of perspective. Be honest with yourself about what’s important to you. Important tasks are ones which enrich your life: they don’t have to be ones that involve making money or advancing your career.


• Start off your day with an “important and not urgent” task. This might be writing a chapter of your novel, getting some exercise, sorting out your tax return, learning a new language... as per the previous point, you define what’s important to you.

Hope this all helps you as much as it helped me!

Live, Laugh, Love!

Kems

Long Time No Write

Hey all! It has been such a long time since I last wrote! How do I explain everything that has happened to me over the past few months? I guess in one word:

                         SPECTACULAR!!!

I have loved living in Indiana! Granted there are some disadvantages (missing friends and family, no mountains, loneliness at times), but there are excellent advantages (new friends, a chance for independence, a new life to explore). Some of those disadvantages are taken care of though! I have kept in close contact with some of you and many days that is what keeps me grounded with one foot in Indiana and the other in Utah.

There are so many things that are so different between the two states! For example, people here can actually drive! No offense to those who are great drivers in Utah...

Well it looks like my time is limited today so will try to write tomorrow and so forth!

Love ya all!

Don't stop believing in your dreams!

True Love...

How much do we long for the one true love that will sweep us off of our feet? For a boy... I wouldn't know... For a girl...

everyday

                  of
   
                           our

                                     life...

But why do we desire it? We all have our different reasons. A girl longs for what a girl longs for. We desire what we see around us. We don't want to feel the loneliness that surfaces every time a commercial romance holiday comes to town.

It doesn't help much that movies parade true love around like it is something you come by everyday. Because it's not. No love is true the moment you first lay eyes on someone. It doesn't happen that way in the real world. You can be attracted. But true love comes through a lifetime's effort. Not just a two second montage or glimpse into the soul.

Fairy tales also gave us the dream that our first love will be our only one. But how are you supposed to know a love is true if you won't allow your heart to be broken a few times? I know one thing I will never be good at is getting my heart broken. I would rather sustain the misery of the relationship rather than feeling alone and unworthy of happiness. I am far too sensitive. But I've got to try. Besides, every broken heart means you are closer to the one who truly deserves you.

So don't throw yourself at the first guy who talks to you. The first guy who takes you on a romantic walk on the beach. The first guy who kisses you in the rain. The first guy who looks you in the eye and tells you he loves you. Hold off a bit. Wait a while. You have plenty of time for that in the future.

Great piece of advice from a friend of mine regarding engagement:

Before you think about marriage, know your true love's attitude during all four seasons. This way there is no surprises when united forever and always. <3

Here I Go...

Well I am off to Indiana this Tuesday! Just a trip...not moving...yet...I will be back on Friday just before midnight. I am doing registration for classes, etc. No big deal. Just the business side of Purdue. I am thrilled for what the future holds for me.

Lately everyone has been talking about sunsets. And lately I have had a certain perception of them. The sun seems to be my dream that rises every morning as a reminder and sets with the message that a new life is just beyond the horizon.

This is my chance to start over and discover another true part of myself through the experiences and people I meet. :)