My thoughts and prayers go to Newtown, Connecticut...

It is dreadful this occurred right before Christmas, but this tragedy just united the country for the holiday season...

At least we have the assurance that these innocent children and adults are with Christ now. They will be able to spend Christmas with Him on His birthday...

Come Clean...

A dear friend of mine recently wrote of her struggles. Her entire blog is about her struggles and how she is trying to overcome them. She mentioned how an alcoholic, at an AA group meeting, will stand up and say, "I am so and so and I am an alcoholic...." The same needs to be done with us. It's time for me to come clean as well. So here it goes...

I am Kemsley Marie Corell and I am a procrastinator and a liar full of pride. I didn't plan on it. It just happened. It started out small until it spiraled out of control. Others see me as a pure, innocent young woman who has always done right in the world. They look up to me for advice. Well the truth is, how would I know what advice to give if I wasn't going through it myself. I am not as innocent as everyone else thinks. I am not who everyone wants me to be. To live up to the expectations of everyone around me would result in me developing a multi-personality disorder. I can't be everything all the time. I can't handle that. I am full of pride. I want to be the best I can be, but at the expense and degrading of others. I know it's wrong. Believe me, I know. The feelings are uncontrollable right now. I try to be humble, but it doesn't last very long. I am a liar. I don't want to be one. My mind's view of never creating negativity in someone else's life has taken a stronghold. Lies come out of my mouth about the most pathetic things you could think of. I lied about going places and getting certain things. My lies at first dug me into a hole. But now they are throwing dirt on top of me and I am suffocating. I can't live this way anymore and I am going to change. I want to serve a mission. I will serve a mission, but not in my current state.

But there is good news. Christ knows I am not perfect. He knows what I have been going through. He knows the pains of my heart when I tell one more lie or put off something for tomorrow that needs to be done today. He knows. All of it. And He wants me to come back to Him. I will change for the better. Through Christ, all things are possible. No one is too diverted from the path that can't make it back. His grace is there. His hand is there. Stretched out. Waiting for you to take hold. I realize now that His hand  has been there the whole time waiting for me. And as I have continued to be buried by lies and imperfections, His hand remained to be there for He knows that I can overcome this if I will let Him help me. So now, it is time to accept that hand. It is time to let go of everything I have been through and start fresh.

Remember, God does not send troubles and afflictions your way without the knowledge that you can overcome them.

My favorite scripture my senior year of high school: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

P.S. If you feel that you are being weighed down by your imperfections, come out and say it! We are not perfect I can't tell you how much of a relief I am feeling right now! :)

So much to do in so little time...

Homework: It always seems to work out in one of two ways.

1. You have little to no homework and can therefore spend all your time with your friends or catching    up on your favorite TV show or even spending time with your family (as crazy as that seems:). You  seem to have all the time in the universe in the palm of your hand. The thing is, do you ever do homework to get ahead in a class?

2. You have absolutely no time to do anything but homework. In fact, you feel so overwhelmed that you start thinking that you can't even get all your homework done! It's like all the teachers/professors conspired together to make every major assignment due on the same day and all of your major exams in the same week. You begin regretting those few days where you had pretty much no homework because you realize you would have less now if you had done some then.

Right now, I feel the latter result. There are so many things to do and yet I need time to myself as well. How can my professors expect me to function if I can't even figure that out myself. I need "Me Time"! But I am determined. I know that all this is for my experience so that I may know how to prioritize myself better.

So for all of you who need a little help like I do, here are some tips to how to prioritize:

How to Prioritize by Importance – And Stick to It

Is your to-do list overflowing with tasks? Do you end up rushing from one thing to the next, dealing with whatever’s most on your mind at the time – and shoving everything else aside for another day? This can be an effective way to work at times, such as when clearing the decks before vacation, but both your work and your health are likely to suffer if you’re constantly in “firefighting” mode.

So how can you start concentration on what really matters, instead of on what seems most pressing?

The Four Quadrants
There’s a useful technique in time-management that involves dividing your tasks into a grid with four “quadrants”, which are:

• Urgent and Important (eg. “My big report is due in three hours”)


• Important but Not Urgent (eg. “I’m delivering a presentation next month”)


• Urgent but Not Important (eg. “My library books are due back today”)


• Not Important and Not Urgent (eg. “I’m watching YouTube clips”)

What Goes Where? 
Generally, it’s not too hard to decide where a particular task or activity fits. The key is not to confuse a task’s urgency with its importance. For example, it might be annoying to be fined $2 for your library books being overdue, but it’s not really animportant consequence in the grand scheme of things. On the other hand, missing the deadline with your big report might have huge negative consequences on your career.

“Important but Not Urgent” – The Crucial Things We Put Off
The category that time management experts recommend you concentrate on is the “Important but Not Urgent” tasks. Usually, items in this quadrant will become urgent if you leave them too long. For example:

• That presentation due in three months will be looking pretty urgent in two months and twenty nine days...


• Taking care of your health (eg. with exercise and good diet) might become urgent ten years down the line, when you get sick


• Sorting out your taxes will become urgent once the deadline’s imminent

Have a think about your own life. I’m willing to bet that there’s been a time when you put off something “Important but Not Urgent” ... and ended up under a lot of stress because it did become urgent. This might have been anything from a term paper in college to an overdue trip to the dentist.

Why We React to “Urgent” 
Most of us have a tendency to react, in almost a knee-jerk way, to things that are urgent. This is a good survival technique (after all, if a saber-tooth tiger is about to eat you, you’d want to leave off inventing the wheel and run away...) Often, though, it leads to a very ineffective way of working: we deal with things in a panic, procrastinate over anything that isn’t urgent, and end up creating a lot of stress for ourselves whilst not really accomplishing much.

Focusing on “Important” 
So how can you draw your focus back to the stuff that matters? How can you make sure you’re working on what’s truly important before it becomes urgent?

I’d suggest a few simple things:

• Get rid of your “not urgent and not important” activities. (Note – that doesn’t mean get rid of things that relax and recharge you: they are important.)


• Make sure that “urgent and not important” activities never get in the way of “important and not urgent” ones.Frankly, it’s probably better for you to work on your dissertation for two hours, instead of spending that time racing across town with your soon-to-be-overdue library books.


• Remember that “important” is a matter of perspective. Be honest with yourself about what’s important to you. Important tasks are ones which enrich your life: they don’t have to be ones that involve making money or advancing your career.


• Start off your day with an “important and not urgent” task. This might be writing a chapter of your novel, getting some exercise, sorting out your tax return, learning a new language... as per the previous point, you define what’s important to you.

Hope this all helps you as much as it helped me!

Live, Laugh, Love!

Kems

Long Time No Write

Hey all! It has been such a long time since I last wrote! How do I explain everything that has happened to me over the past few months? I guess in one word:

                         SPECTACULAR!!!

I have loved living in Indiana! Granted there are some disadvantages (missing friends and family, no mountains, loneliness at times), but there are excellent advantages (new friends, a chance for independence, a new life to explore). Some of those disadvantages are taken care of though! I have kept in close contact with some of you and many days that is what keeps me grounded with one foot in Indiana and the other in Utah.

There are so many things that are so different between the two states! For example, people here can actually drive! No offense to those who are great drivers in Utah...

Well it looks like my time is limited today so will try to write tomorrow and so forth!

Love ya all!

Don't stop believing in your dreams!

True Love...

How much do we long for the one true love that will sweep us off of our feet? For a boy... I wouldn't know... For a girl...

everyday

                  of
   
                           our

                                     life...

But why do we desire it? We all have our different reasons. A girl longs for what a girl longs for. We desire what we see around us. We don't want to feel the loneliness that surfaces every time a commercial romance holiday comes to town.

It doesn't help much that movies parade true love around like it is something you come by everyday. Because it's not. No love is true the moment you first lay eyes on someone. It doesn't happen that way in the real world. You can be attracted. But true love comes through a lifetime's effort. Not just a two second montage or glimpse into the soul.

Fairy tales also gave us the dream that our first love will be our only one. But how are you supposed to know a love is true if you won't allow your heart to be broken a few times? I know one thing I will never be good at is getting my heart broken. I would rather sustain the misery of the relationship rather than feeling alone and unworthy of happiness. I am far too sensitive. But I've got to try. Besides, every broken heart means you are closer to the one who truly deserves you.

So don't throw yourself at the first guy who talks to you. The first guy who takes you on a romantic walk on the beach. The first guy who kisses you in the rain. The first guy who looks you in the eye and tells you he loves you. Hold off a bit. Wait a while. You have plenty of time for that in the future.

Great piece of advice from a friend of mine regarding engagement:

Before you think about marriage, know your true love's attitude during all four seasons. This way there is no surprises when united forever and always. <3

Here I Go...

Well I am off to Indiana this Tuesday! Just a trip...not moving...yet...I will be back on Friday just before midnight. I am doing registration for classes, etc. No big deal. Just the business side of Purdue. I am thrilled for what the future holds for me.

Lately everyone has been talking about sunsets. And lately I have had a certain perception of them. The sun seems to be my dream that rises every morning as a reminder and sets with the message that a new life is just beyond the horizon.

This is my chance to start over and discover another true part of myself through the experiences and people I meet. :)

Forgiveness

This past week has been difficult. But if there is one thing that I have learned, it's that anger will get you nowhere in life. If anything, it holds you back from the joys and happiness that can fill the void. Why must our hearts and minds be directed towards injuring others? Why must we have an "eye for an eye"? We are all God's children placed upon this earth at this specific time. Yeah. We make mistakes. We are incredibly stupid at times. We hurt others to protect ourselves from further pain. But we knew in the pre-mortal life that we would be tested. God knew. That's why we came here. But God also knew that every challenge placed before us, we could overcome. Every difficulty we have can be resolved if we have faith in Him. All things are possible through Him. I've come to know this for myself. 

The video below is titled, Jesus is Scourged and Crucified. His last few words touch my heart. He is able to forgive all those who trespassed against Him. 

So what's our excuse that we cannot?

Maybe it's time...

Today I was thinking. I do that occasionally now with all the time on my hands. It was my first official day in Relief Society. (Got the book and everything:) As I was sitting in RS, I realized that I will be 18 this Saturday. And on top of that, I realized that my childish antics have got to stop. I don't have room to be immature all the time.

Does this mean I won't be fun to be around? Of course not! Could I ever get rid of my craziness?! But I have got to stop being the girl who refuses to put her clothes away even though she knows it will only take five minutes. I have to stop being the girl who lets her mom do everything for her as if she is a child.

Long story short. It's time to grow up. No matter how hard and challenging that will be.

Graduation

I graduated. Does it feel real to me? Not yet, but I am getting there. Once college kicks in, I will feel like I actually graduated, but right now only feels like another summer break.

I have had to make choices lately. Anyone who knows me very well knows that I don't like making decisions. I will if I have to, but I don't like to. These choices were even more scary because they will affect the rest of my life. Think about it. I chose Purdue University in INDIANA! That is across the country! I have been excited lately, but it is also very bittersweet. I chose to leave my greatest friends behind. I chose to leave Camille and her sincere, kind, thoughtful advice with a hint of eccentric fun. I chose to leave Abby and her crazy obsession for cows. I chose to leave Sami who is my Once Upon a Time buddy. Who else am I going to talk to about that show? I chose to leave Meghan who has been my soul sister through thick and thin. Believe me. It hasn't always been easy for the two of us, but we resolve problems between us as quickly as possible.

I chose Purdue out of the SIX universities that accepted me and wanted me. Why? I prayed. I fasted. For a long time. It felt right. I felt I had the makings of a Boilermaker (yes my friends make fun of me for that). My choice will affect many decisions later down the road. It will affect new friendships and who I will meet. It will affect where my new home will be and what ward I will be in. It will affect who my eternal companion will be.

Will I be sad and depressed when I cross that state border line knowing that I won't return in a few weeks? Absolutely. Despite Utah and its bipolarity, it has been my home for about nine years. This is where I found friends who will last a lifetime. This is where my mom and I became best friends. This is where I felt I was a part of something. Yeah. Maeser grows on you despite all the sleep and social life it costs you. This is the first place that felt like home. And I am going to miss all of it.

I don't know why Indiana. But I do know it's where God wants me to be right now. So I will go. I will leave behind all I could ever dream of when I was child. I will cry. I will question if I was right. But I will go. Because I know that God has a plan for me and needs me in Indiana right now.

So goodbye to all my friends and family here in Utah. Thank you. You mean more to me than you will ever know and I appreciate each and every one of you with all my heart! I don't know when I will be able to visit, but I will do my best to try to make it down at least once every two years. There is no guarantee though. I love each and every one of you! You will always be a part of my heart! <3

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Pics of my family and friends:

Me and Grandpa :)

Grandpa, Me, and Mom :)

Camille and I :)

Sami and I :)

Meghan and I :)

Abby and I :)

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Mom,

I love you for all the times you picked me up when I was down. For all the times you traded your warm smile for my frown. For all the times you brushed my hair and tucked me into bed... Or needed something for yourself and put me first instead. For all the dreams that we have shared, the tears and laughter too. I love you mom with all my heart... There's no one quite like you!

My mom is my best friend and always will be. Maybe she doesn't always give me what I want, but she does give me what I need... LOVE <3

When I first woke up this morning, I heard a musical tune in my head saying, "Good morning! Good morning! It's bingo time!" While many of you would wonder why I would think of this, I don't wonder. This was said (or sang) every morning at 7 on the cruise I went on the summer before 10th grade. My cousins and I hated this because we would go to bed at 1 or 2 in the morning.

Thinking about the cruise brings back many memories, but reminds me of a pivotal moment in my life. This was the time period where I realized how many horrible things were happening in the world. This was the first time I was scared for my life. Yeah. I know. Seriously Kemsley? You were just figuring it out? But I was a different person back then. I was protected far too much.....

Laurels....Yeah....

Can I tell you how amazing my laurel class is??? They are some of the most amazing girls I have ever known.

My Greatest Dream :)

I dream of that happily ever after. I dream of the relationship in "Walk to Remember". I want the man of my dreams to have a kind, gentle, and loving heart. I want him to treat me like a queen. Like his queen. I want my children to feel safe and secure. I want them to be happy and overjoyed. I want them to feel blessed to be born in my family. I want them to have something I never did. I want them to know what it feels like to be sealed to their family forever and always. That's why I know that the man of my dreams must have the same dream as I do. I want to be married in the temple and feel that connection that links a family together. This picture pretty much summarizes it all up... :)

P.S. I want to be married in the San Diego Temple, but any temple would do considering each is God's house on earth! 

Oh! My Dearest Friends!

Through thick and thin, I know who my friends are. Camille, Abby, Meghan, Kyli, Matt, Andy, Sami, Hannah, McKinzie, Ryan, Seth, and even Ethan (although that relationship is a little bit strange...and abusive:). Don't worry, there are countless others. I just can't name all of them. How I have been so fortunate, I have absolutely no idea. Each person has played a specific part in helping me discover who I am. I will forever be grateful to all of you. Although I am leaving Utah, your goodness, kindness, advice, and laughter will forever tarry with me. If I am lucky enough to make half as good of friends in Indiana, I will be content. To all of you, I thank you for your help in sculpting who I am. :)

Your friend forever and always,

Kemsley

My Questions are Answered!!!

General Conference + all the painful questions I had = BEST WEEKEND EVER!!! (Well except for the painful part...) I don't think I have ever had so many of my questions answered at once. I feel renewed and regenerated in the gospel. More than ever, I want to live my life to the fullest of the gospel and live it as Christ would want me to. I've realized that Christ has saved me so many times and if I repent and develop the qualities I need, Christ will help me along the way.

How could I have been so fortunate to be born in the gospel??? Thank you to my ancestors and the Mormon pioneers and the prophets of old as well as the prophets of the latter days and friends and family who have dealt with me and helped me along the way! I love all of you and appreciate all of you! (More than you will ever know in this lifetime.)

Today is just such a great day!!! :)

My Mom's Birthday!

Today was my mom's birthday. She turned 44. But if you asked her, she would say that she turned 29. I love her so much! She is my inspiration in life. She is my best friend and always will be.

Happy Birthday Mom! You will forever be in my heart!

Season of Change

I decided to share my poem that I entered into a creative writing contest. :)

Season of Change

A colorful life
Hanging by a strand
Weakened in time
Till Time says, “Fall”
Down to the ground
Where her sisters lay
Desiring a chance

A hope for belonging

Steering through trees

And branches divine
Rustling bushes and
Chimes ringing true
A quiet whisper
Confidence intact
Captures the heart of
All those who listen

For the breath is He
The Master of all
Whose mercy and grace
Doth withstand the cold
And as frailty lies
In heaps on chilling earth
He shines forth
With treasures of warmth

Downton Abbey

So I have recently become a huge fan and I mean  HUGE fan of this show right here....

Everything about this show is fantastic! The characters, the time period (World War I), the set up in this beautiful mansion (as you can clearly see:). There is nothing about this show that I do not like....

This Masterpiece Classic follows the story lines of a wealthy family as well as those who serve this family. You come to know each character so well and either like (or love- that's me with Matthew Crawley and Mary Crawley) or completely despise them...

If you want a show that will entertain you from the moment each episode starts to the time it ends, leaving you begging for more, this is the show for you! :)

March 5, 2012

So I thought it would be hectic today and.....I was right. Maybe the only reason it seems hectic is because I am a hundred pages behind in Crime and Punishment so I have a lot to do. (It's not exactly the easiest reading in the world.) So I will be reading 40 pages a night this week and we are going to see how that goes.....

But on another note, I have been accepted to Oklahoma State University, University of Missouri, Oregon State University, and Purdue University! Four colleges to make my decision even harder! (Except Oregon. I don't think I will go there. Sorry Beavers!) Still waiting on Cornell University, Colorado State University, and UCDavis! They need to hurry up!

I am also taking my life into my control as I come back to the church fully. Seminary is not enough anymore even though Brother Robley is pretty amazing! Scripture study (chocolate milk style:), morning and evening prayers, church attendance, and temple attendance is what it's going to take, plus, some other things. I know I can do it. All I have to do is trust! :)

Goodbye Elder Lyons

So I was thinking about stuff today and I also realized that I am going to miss this kid

Elder Mark Lyons is one of the greatest guys I have ever known. Yeah. We never really talk to each other, but I do care for him and I will miss him as he goes on his mission. He leaves this Thursday (March 8) for the South African MTC and then in a few weeks, he will be heading to the English-speaking mission (lucky:) of Nairobi, Kenya. 

Mark was my trek brother the summer before ninth grade. He taught me a lot like perseverance, determination, will power, and just having fun. Much of what he taught me then still helps me now and I know that if only a few days of talking with him helped me, then there will be many people who will understand more of the gospel because of his inspiring and powerful words. 

So good luck to you Mark! There are so many waiting for you to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. Do not forget to "Push it Charlotte!" and "Punch it Margaret!" :)

Outcast

Outcast. Alone. Terrified. Stressed. Desire of friends that actually care. Do I really belong?

Lots of things have been running through my mind the past few months...I know that I haven't been going to church. I know that it may seem that I'm falling away from what I always promised I would do through my baptismal covenants. I don't know why I am doing all this to myself. It breaks my heart every Sunday as I think of what everyone else is thinking of me. Maybe I don't see them as my real friends anymore. Yeah. They're great people. But I always feel like they are judging me when I don't show up for church one Sunday. I feel like they're talking about me in discriminating tones. So I avoid it. I don't go to church. It's not that I don't believe this church is true. I believe it with all my heart. But in my head I see faces of those I care dearly for mocking me and all I want to do is run away.

When I was a child, church was the only thing I looked forward to every Sunday. To me, that was my whole world. I loved going. To hear of the noble prophet Nephi and how Esther saved her people was always a dream to me. I loved to sing "A Child's Prayer" and "Love is Spoken Here". I remember that whenever we had a day where our chorister would pick a song each of us had written out of a bowl, those two songs were always the most popular. Them and "I Love to See the Temple". :) So what happened to the child who always wanted to go to church unafraid of those around her even though she had moved so much?

Growing up happened. Because of social norms, my friends in my ward also grew up and began wearing make up at such a young age. Sure. I tried my best to keep up. But eventually money came into play and that's something my mom and I don't have a lot of. The more make up my friends wore, the more superficial they appeared to me. At such a young age, make up became their life. Then clothes came into play. My body was awkward at the time and once again money came into play. While all the other girls were wearing the new designer brands, I was stuck with shirts my mom brought home from her work at BYU. The division seemed to increase when I ended up going to different schools than the majority of my friends in my ward. Sure. During jr high I had a few people from my ward go to the same school. But then high school came around and it seemed I was a complete outcast. Every time I see my friends they were talking about a class or a teacher that did something stupid.

You probably can't see why these things would come into play with my involvement in the church but I can. It all makes sense to me and sometimes I don't know why it can't make sense to other people. Or maybe it's something entirely different. Maybe it's because I know I'm leaving Utah to go to college and to isolate myself from my friends seems like the easiest way to say goodbye for me. Maybe my mind is trying to prevent my heart from getting hurt. Putting up a guard. A shield. But then why doesn't it do it for school? Those are the people I care most about. They are my true friends. Even the ones who don't talk to me, or listen to me, or even acknowledge my existence. I still care for them and they are going to be the ones who are going to make my heart ache because I don't want to say goodbye. But I have to go to college. I feel like I don't have a choice anymore.

But there is one thing that I do know. I know Christ lives and that he will show me where I am to go. He wants to protect me from heartache. I know he does. I know Heavenly Father does. The last thing They want is to have one of their children hurting. But They also know that it has to be done so we can all grow from our experiences.

So I've decided on something. Screw social norms and the fear of the future. I am going back to church next Sunday with my head held high and I am going to prove to myself that I can place my life back in control of what I want and not what everyone else wants. If that means I am going without my mom and have to sit by myself then I will. I need to take control of my life for my sake and no one else's.

This has been my motto for quite some time now.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

All I have to do is trust in the Lord. It's that simple. :)