Come Clean...

A dear friend of mine recently wrote of her struggles. Her entire blog is about her struggles and how she is trying to overcome them. She mentioned how an alcoholic, at an AA group meeting, will stand up and say, "I am so and so and I am an alcoholic...." The same needs to be done with us. It's time for me to come clean as well. So here it goes...

I am Kemsley Marie Corell and I am a procrastinator and a liar full of pride. I didn't plan on it. It just happened. It started out small until it spiraled out of control. Others see me as a pure, innocent young woman who has always done right in the world. They look up to me for advice. Well the truth is, how would I know what advice to give if I wasn't going through it myself. I am not as innocent as everyone else thinks. I am not who everyone wants me to be. To live up to the expectations of everyone around me would result in me developing a multi-personality disorder. I can't be everything all the time. I can't handle that. I am full of pride. I want to be the best I can be, but at the expense and degrading of others. I know it's wrong. Believe me, I know. The feelings are uncontrollable right now. I try to be humble, but it doesn't last very long. I am a liar. I don't want to be one. My mind's view of never creating negativity in someone else's life has taken a stronghold. Lies come out of my mouth about the most pathetic things you could think of. I lied about going places and getting certain things. My lies at first dug me into a hole. But now they are throwing dirt on top of me and I am suffocating. I can't live this way anymore and I am going to change. I want to serve a mission. I will serve a mission, but not in my current state.

But there is good news. Christ knows I am not perfect. He knows what I have been going through. He knows the pains of my heart when I tell one more lie or put off something for tomorrow that needs to be done today. He knows. All of it. And He wants me to come back to Him. I will change for the better. Through Christ, all things are possible. No one is too diverted from the path that can't make it back. His grace is there. His hand is there. Stretched out. Waiting for you to take hold. I realize now that His hand  has been there the whole time waiting for me. And as I have continued to be buried by lies and imperfections, His hand remained to be there for He knows that I can overcome this if I will let Him help me. So now, it is time to accept that hand. It is time to let go of everything I have been through and start fresh.

Remember, God does not send troubles and afflictions your way without the knowledge that you can overcome them.

My favorite scripture my senior year of high school: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

P.S. If you feel that you are being weighed down by your imperfections, come out and say it! We are not perfect I can't tell you how much of a relief I am feeling right now! :)